Nothing in the Mommy Wars takes on as much weight as the choice to return to work or not. A friend of mine has a son who was asked, “What kind of mom do you have? I have a stay-at-home mom,” to which my friend’s son responded, “Oh, I have a stay-at-work mom.”
The phrasing of this–what kind of mom do you have–brings a tremendous amount of guilt and unhappiness. Women who work (some of them, anyway) tell me they feel guilty about not being with their child every minute. Those who don’t work (some of them, anyway) tell me they feel isolated and resentful at times. And even when we are happy with our choices at a personal level, it can feel as though there’s a lot of judgment coming from both directions.
This has got to stop. All this cross-parental judgment is unhelpful and counterproductive, and this is no different. Also, this discussion ignores the fact that this really isn’t a choice for some families.
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