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When I was a kid, you heard “Good job” quite a lot. Successful double in little league? “Good job!” 93% on a math test? “Good job!” In contrast, the phrase “Good effort” was reserved for … lesser things. You struck out but … you tried hard. That’s a good effort, but not a good job.
The world of child praise has, however, shifted dramatically. Saying “Good job” has approached taboo status. The social media accounts of parenting experts are rife with advice to avoid this type of praise, in all its forms — no “Amazing!” or “You’re so smart.” Instead, we’re encouraged to applaud effort, not achievement: “It’s great to hear you worked hard on that.” Often, parents are told that it’s better to say nothing at all.
This advice is well-meant, but it can become yet another way for parents to feel like we’re failing. It can also be paralyzing. A couple of months ago, my daughter told me how she did on a math test. Worried about saying the wrong thing, I just said “OK.” Which didn’t feel quite right either.
The underlying reason for the praise shift is, more or less, based on data.
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