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Since before I gave birth, I’ve been determined to exclusively breastfeed, no matter what. But I am struggling right now with getting my son to latch. How do I get him to? Is latching instinctual? I don’t want to give up, but this is harder than I was expecting.
—Ava L.
The pressure to breastfeed is intense — from others, yes, but also from ourselves. A lot of the messaging out in the world makes it seem like it’s also so easy, so natural. That your body and your baby will just know how to do it. The reality is that many of us, myself included, find it very hard. It’s frustrating, almost infuriating.
There are many ways nursing can be hard, but latching is probably the top. In a sense, it’s instinctual, but it’s also a learned skill for both you and your baby. Babies will sometimes just not want to latch at all; they cry and flail their heads about, but will somehow not get on there. They also may not latch completely, which can lead to less milk transfer and a lot of pain for you.
I don’t want to dwell on the difficulty here, but I think it is important to start there: you are not alone.
In terms of practical advice, there are a few things to try. First, a postpartum doula or lactation consultant can be a lifesaver here. A good latch requires the baby to open their mouth very wide, and you’ve got to really jam them on the boob (that’s not a technical term). It can be enormously helpful to have an experienced person watching you and helping with this. They may have advice on positioning, pillows, or other approaches.
Second, for some people, nipple shields can be a good solution, at least in the short term. These shields can improve latching and reduce pain during breastfeeding. They do slightly reduce milk transfer rates, but they can be really helpful in establishing breastfeeding.
Finally, in some cases, difficulty latching could be reflecting a tongue or lip tie. I almost hesitate to mention this because it’s extremely overdiagnosed, but there are some cases in which this does matter. There is good evidence that releasing a tongue tie can, at the very least, reduce maternal pain, if that is an issue.
I hope this helps, and I also hope you give yourself grace. Breastfeeding is hard, so please do not hold yourself rigidly to plans you had before you had the baby.
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People are concerned about tongue tie being over diagnosed but it was absolutely the thing causing pain for me. This is my second baby so I could easily say “this didn’t hurt so much last time”. It changed dramatically the moment the tongue tie was dealt with. I only managed to get it dealt with early because I’m stubborn and had people to talk to…many people don’t have those resources and I would have been giving up on nursing if it had been my first baby (without needing to). I felt like I had to fight against “this is over diagnosed” to a silly degree when just looking in my son’s mouth made it very clear his tongue was very tied!!