When we become parents, we expect to be many things: someone who wakes in the middle of the night and who cleans up food from the floor; someone who comforts, who loves, who disciplines, who celebrates. What we perhaps did not expect is to take on the job of logistics manager. It creeps up on us as children age. The floor may get cleaner and the midnight wake-ups less frequent, but in their place is the stress of competing demands on our children’s time and ours. Which school to go to and how to get there? Is evening math tutoring necessary? What do we do about summer camp? How can three children with two parents be at three birthday parties on Saturday at 2 p.m.?
Making these questions more challenging is that they feelweightier than early parenting choices, that they matter more in the long term and that making a mistake is somehow worse. On top of this, an older child has more demands and more opinions. The decisions feel important and hard, and many parents feel lost as to how to make them well.
Consider this: One day, your 9-year-old daughter arrives home with the exciting news that she has been invited to join the travel soccer team. She really wants to do it. In fact, she insists, if you do not let her, you will literally ruin her life.
It’s easy to think of this as a question about soccer, about one activity. But it’s not; it’s a question of priorities. Keep reading
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